


true that he's no prince charming

by dustkeeper



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Also Accordo is basically Italy, First Dates, First Kiss, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Romance, Some Swearing, The kind of cheese two awkward teenagers say to each other, puns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-21
Updated: 2018-08-21
Packaged: 2019-06-30 18:30:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15757320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dustkeeper/pseuds/dustkeeper
Summary: "How about I make up for Gladio spoiling our dinner," Noctis suggested, "by buying you anything you want from this shop?"Ignis narrowed his eyes behind his glasses. "I'm not letting you buy me a thong on our first date."Noctis isn't exactly the charming, confident prince he wants to be, but to equally-inexperienced Ignis, maybe it's for the best.





	true that he's no prince charming

**Author's Note:**

  * For [serenbach86 (serenbach)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/serenbach/gifts).



> @serenbach86 prompted "First Date" for Ignoct, like, eighty-four years ago, and I finally finished it! I'm so sorry it too so long, and I hope you enjoy what I came up with! Thanks for prompting and for your patience!

                "You look… g-good."

                To Noctis, Ignis looked better than good. He looked _hot._ His shirt was a few buttons unfastened, tucked into some dress pants that made his ass look amazing. Noctis somehow felt both underdressed and overdressed in the finest suit he could find in his closet.

                He also looked as composed as he ever did. Unlike Noctis, who was sure he already looked all flushed and sweaty from nerves and general exposure to the Hottest Person in the World.

                "Thank you, Noct. You look very handsome yourself."

                Internally, Ignis was not composed. ' _Good Astrals he's wearing that suit with a tie which I am going to fantasize about him wearing in very different places oh Titan's Tits I am going to get arrested for besmirching the Crown Prince's virtue why did His Majesty ever agree to letting us do this I shouldn't have even asked he's too perfect and I'm going to ruin it and then he'll hate me and fire me and   ̶_ '

                "So, uh… the car's out front," Noctis was saying, gesturing lamely to the direction behind him. "The driver's going to… drive us."

                "Of course," Ignis said, stepping out his front door. "Though I would have been perfectly fine with driving us there myself."

                "Yeah, but I was the one who asked you out, so I'm driving. Or, I'm having someone else drive because I know my driving still makes you nervous."

                Ignis turned to lock his apartment. "Very thoughtful of you."

                When he turned back around, Noctis was holding his arm out at a weird angle. Ignis wondered if he'd hurt in training earlier that day.

                "Well, then. Shall we?" The chamberlain offered a tentative smile to his date, whose own smile wavered a bit. Probably from the pain in his arm, or so Ignis presumed.

                "Yeah… uh, sure." Noctis lowered his arm and led the way to the elevator down the hall. Fortunately, said lift was otherwise empty, so no strangers had to witness the pair of dressed-up  teenagers stand a stiff three feet away from each other. Some [bossa nova](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lmdJTptF2go) played softly from the speakers.

                Neither of them were sure why they were suddenly so awkward around each other. It wasn't like they hadn't been friends since early childhood, or that they hadn't been silently stewing in their respective crushes on each other for at least a year each. This wasn't even the first time just the two of them had gone out to dinner by themselves. But slap on some formal wear and the possibility that their hormone-induced daydreams might actually become reality, and it was like they were two strangers.

                At one end of the elevator, Noctis racked his brain for anything to say   ̶ something cool or charming, something a prince would say in those romantic dramas or comedies   ̶ but he couldn't think of anything. He'd already complimented his appearance, right? Well, kinda, but he wasn't even sure he could get out any more thoughts about how attractive Ignis was without spontaneously combusting. Ignis, meanwhile, was wondering how many ancient laws merely _glancing_ at Prince Noctis's rear end was breaking.

                Noct's car was pulled up to the door, their driver leaning against the passenger seat. Ignis recognized her as an accomplished mage in the Kingsglaive. If he hadn't known of her skills, he might have been critical of the way she didn't even glance up to acknowledge them, her fingers flying over the screen of her smart phone.

                "Ready, nerds?" she asked, finally looking up at them when they were almost at the car.

                "Nerds?" Noctis echoed, discouraged. 

                "Let's get this over with." Crowe didn't bother opening the door for either of them, circling around to the driver's side. As rude as this would to be to any other high-ranking noble, it at least gave Ignis the chance to open it for his date, which seemed like the sort of thing one should do in such a situation.

                "After you," Ignis said with a flourish, as though he had never opened the door for his prince before.

                "Thanks, Specs," Noct said shyly, sliding in. Ignis shut the door and went around to get in on the other side, but Noctis had scooted all the way over, thinking his date was going to get in after him. Ignis was centimeters off Noct's lap before Noct pointedly said, "Um..."

                He jumped off like he had almost sat in lava. "Apologies," Ignis stammered out, slamming the door a little too forcefully and heading back around. Noctis had started scooting back over to the other side, but managed to lunge back to his seat in time for Ignis to open the other door and climb in. The prince hastily hid his cringe by staring out the window. Ignis pretended everything was going smoothly as he buckled in, but both boys were blushing; the glaive in the driver's seat, however, did nothing to hide her giggling.

                "Oh, the guys are gonna love this," she muttered, then started the engine.

 

-

 

                It didn't get any better by the time they arrived at the restaurant.

                Crowe, thankfully, didn't come in with them, though Ignis suspected she was live-texting the experience to a friend. Noctis, perhaps to mirror Ignis's earlier act of chivalry, opened the door for his date. It was a small thing, but Ignis couldn't help but feel flattered.

                The hostess seated them at a small table by a window, took their drink orders, and left them to their continued awkward silence. For a moment, the two stared at their menus, faces flushed. Due to either the earlier mishaps or the uncharted territory of a romantic relationship, it was difficult to meet each other's eyes. Then, finally, Ignis reminded himself that he had literally had a least one conversation with Noctis every day for the past decade, and that there was no reason for it to be so difficult now. He just had to pretend like it was any other dinner conversation.

                "I have the latest report on the Duscaen sheep milk trade negotiations," he said, staring his date right in the eye with a carefully-blank expression.

                Noctis looked nonplussed. "Yeah?"

                A beat, then the advisor's lips trembled, the prince's shoulders shook, and the two of them burst into laughter. They were laughing so hard the waitress looked a tad concerned as she left their drinks and wandered away without a word.

                "Terrible," Noctis said, after they finally managed to settle down.

                "I didn't hear _you_ come up with intelligent dinner conversation," Ignis threw back playfully.

                "I was too busy checking out the menu," Noctis explained.

                Well, when the opportunity arose...  Ignis took a quiet breath and said in the sultriest voice the teenage chamberlain could manage, "Like what you see?"

                "What?" his date stammered, taken off guard by the sudden turn in tone.

                Oh, that was humiliating. Why did he do that? "I mean… the ̶ the _filetto di manzo_ looks delicious."

                 A shy smile spread across Noctis's face. "Well," he drawled after a moment, "I'd order the _filetto di manzo_ , but I already got a real man-zo with me."

                That forced a surprised chuckle out of Ignis. "Absolutely dreadful. This is the last time I agree to go on a date with you."

                "This is our _first_ date, Specs," Noctis reminded him, pouting a little. "And hey, I didn't do _too_ badly, did I? This is the fanciest Accordian restaurant in a twenty mile radius, according to Moogle Maps. Four and a half stars."

                "Impressive," he deadpanned, but Ignis didn't look unhappy with his choice of restaurant at all. In fact, neither of them had anything but ridiculously giddy grins on their faces. "I suppose you didn't," he glanced at his menu, " _flounder pizaola_ it too terribly, then."

                "You'd be surprised at how much the reservation _cost-oletta alla grilia_ ," Noctis stuttered out in a mess of laughter and mispronunciations.

                "Astounding. All those foreign language lessons for naught," Ignis lamented. "You're a real… one could say…   _chicken pesto_."

                Noctis snorted, turning a page in his menu. "Don't… _crispy calamari_ me names."

                "I will when you _bombolini_ your Accordian pronunciations."

                "Hey, want some meatballs?"

                Several tables worth of prim and proper pairs turned to frown at the two teenagers wheezing over their wine, most of which having been spat all over the prince by his red-faced advisor.

                "Apologies," Ignis choked out, hopelessly dabbing his napkin at the dark splatters on the white tablecloth.

                "I'd say something about getting wet on the first date," Noctis said, "but I'm pretty sure that lady in the hat is one word away from calling security on us."

                "You're incorrigible," he said fondly.

                "But you like me," Noctis pointed out smugly.

                "That I do."

                Ignis's sincerity seemed to bring back a bit of the earlier discomfort: Noctis's cheeks burned a brighter red, and he cleared his throat. "So, uh… Kinda weird how they have all these Accordian names on the menu, and then there's just 'asparagus mike wells,' whatever that is."

                "An odd name for an entrée," Ignis agreed.

                "Like, did they name the asparagus 'Mike Wells,' or are they serving a guy named Mike with the asparagus?"

                "How morbid."

                "See, this is why I never eat my vegetables."

                "Because you're worried I'm hiding human meat in your asparagus? You're not doing a good job of flirting with me on our first date, darling."

                "You're a very sexy cannibal?"

                Ignis stared him down over his glasses.

                "Sorry," Noctis acquiesced. "It's just... I'm not really good at being romantic. Not that I'm not romantically interested in you ̶ "

                "I gathered you were when you asked me on this date." Ignis smiled, reaching out to take Noct's hand in his. "Which I accepted because I want to date _you_ , not a fairytale prince. I'm not expecting anything but who I know you to be: a kind, intelligent, handsome young man."

                Noctis peered up at him from behind his bangs, a sheepish action that he somehow made look unbearably sexy to Ignis.

                "That being said," the older teen added hastily, "if you wanted to change the frequency at which you kissed me, I would be very amenable."

                "Oh, there is _definitely_ going to be more kissing from here on out," Noctis agreed, sounding just as excited at the prospect. "So, you know, go easy on the garlic bread."

                "I brought mints." He had mints, tissues, and hand wipes in his pockets, actually.

                Noctis laughed. "Always prepared, huh, Speccy?"

                Like always, Ignis's heart fluttered at the nickname. "Only the best for my prince." He lifted Noctis's hand and pressed a chaste kiss to his knuckles.

                His date was torn between swooning from embarrassment or from bliss. "I… wow. You're the real fairytale prince."

                Ignis was only a couple years older than he was, never had any other boyfriends that Noctis knew about, and was already so chivalrous and seductive. It was unfair, really, just how good he was at _everything_ , let alone such sweet and sincere expression.

                "Oh, Bahamut's bulbous blazing balls," Ignis swore, suddenly scowling.

                "What is it?"

                His companion pointed behind him. "Gladio."

                Noctis turned to see his Shield at a table across the room, inconspicuously reading a menu. Across from him, Prompto was not so stealthily openly gawking at them, and almost fell out of his chair when he realized they had spotted him.

                "What the hell? How did they find us?"

                "There _is_ a GPS function on your phone, Highness," Ignis pointed out, though he wasn't looking him in the eye.

                Noct's heart sank. "Wait, did you tell Gladio about the date?"

                "Not directly," Ignis said defensively. "I _had_ to inform His Majesty ,of course, to ensure proper permission was given. It would make sense that he would send your Shield as protection…"

                "More like as blackmail fodder," Noctis grumbled. "Why else would he send security on my date with a Crownsguard? It's not like he cares about my security when it's just me and Prompto getting nachos."

                Noct took out his phone to send a text, and saw he had just received one from Prompto.

**Prompto** : OMG PLZ DON’T KILL ME IM SORRY

**Noctis:** traitor >:(

**Prompto:**  im just here 2 make sure he doesn’t mess up ur date :(((

**Noctis:** LIES

**~~Prompto~~ Traitor: ** NOCT NO

                Noctis went on to cyber-confront the real evil mastermind: the man who was sworn to protect his life and was actively trying to sabotage it instead.

**Noctis:** GET OUT!!!!

**Gladio:** this is just a coincidence

**Noctis:** AS UR PRINCE I ORDER YOU 2 LEAVE

**Gladio:** but i ordered mike wells. he hasn't come out yet

**Noctis:** UR FIRED. IRIS IS MY NEW SHIELD

                "Ugh. As if this hasn't been awkward enough." Noctis sent his date an apologetic look. "Sorry, Iggy."

                "I suppose this was really my doing," he said. "What say you we finish this date at a more private location?"

                "Sure, if we can ditch the peanut gallery over there," the prince griped, crossing his arms.

                "Sorry for the wait!" a waiter chirped, stopping by their table and blocking their view of the peeping toms. "What can I get you gentlemen today?"

                "Actually," Ignis said, a conspiring glint in his eyes, "we have a special request. You see that man over there in black?"

                A moment later, loud rhythmic clapping filled the restaurant as a parade of hollering waiters marched over to the table of traitors. Gladio, stunned, dropped his breadstick onto his lap, and Prompto looked as though they were bringing a bomb to their table instead of a complimentary pastry.

                " _Happy, happy birthday, from all of us to you! We like to have your birthday here so we can party too! WOO!"_ the underpaid employees sang with the enthusiasm of those wanting tips.

                Ignis threw several bills on the table and jumped out of his seat. "Run!" he hissed.

                His hand reached for Noct's as they stumbled out of the restaurant. The prince glanced back to witness Gladio blankly stare at a sparkling cupcake, but Ignis soon tugged them along, dodging other pedestrians using the sidewalk as they sought greater distance between them and their nosy friends.

                When they finally ran out of steam, legs and sides aching, they ducked into a random store. Noctis hung off Ignis's arm, actual tears in his eyes from laughter.

                "Oh my _gods_ ," he choked out.

                "Magnificent," Ignis applauded, grinning wider than he ever had.

                "He's going to _kill_ me tomorrow at training," Noctis said, "but totally worth it. Iggy, you're a genius!"

                "Well," Ignis said, looking very pleased with himself, "I'd certainly say this is the best first date I've ever been on."

                "Good to hear. I guess we'll just have to finish it here."

                "A shame we couldn’t sample Mike Wells."

                "Don't talk about other men like that on our date," Noctis joked.

                "I promise I'm not leaving you for an asparagus," his advisor swore, patting the arm still linked in his with his free hand.

                The couple surveyed the shop they'd blindly burst into, which seemed to be a locally-owned boutique littered with women's clothing, handbags, and hats. A small rack of jewelry stood on a table of underwear, of all things, and Ignis prayed the cashier didn't recognize the Crown Prince as he led them straight over to it.

                "What do you think?" Noctis picked up a pair of pink chocobo earrings.

                "I think I'm glad you didn't pick up the thong with the Lucian flag on it," Ignis said, walking over.

                Unfortunately, Noctis did pick said thong up when he caught sight of it, stretching it out precariously. "How did they even fit that on here?"

                "Don't snap it," Ignis warned, snatching the article of clothing out of his hands and shoving it back in the pile. He glanced back at the cashier, a middle-aged woman clothed in layers of scarves and jewelry that was eying them suspiciously. She didn't seem to recognize the prince as much as she did possible disaster in the form of two unsupervised teenage boys.

                A "kweh!" sounded out from Noct's pocket, signaling that Prompto had sent him a text. The prince checked his phone to see a photo of a dazed-looking Gladio with a large, ornate sombrero atop his head.

**Traitor:** and i'm eating his free cupcake :P

**Noctis:** I'm no longer throwing you in prison

**Prompto:** You're most merciful, Your Highness ヽ(＿　＿ヽ)

 

                "A tad culturally inappropriate using a sombrero in an Accordian restaurant," Ignis commented, though he gazed upon the photo with the air of a triumphant war general.

                "This is so going to be his contact photo for the rest of his life," Noctis vowed.

                "You know, I dare say I can recreate that cupcake," Ignis said. "Perhaps we ought to reconvene our date in your kitchen."

                "Hey, I was the one who asked you out, I should be the one to fix the crappy date. You… already do so much for me," Noctis said, scratching the back of his neck nervously. As satisfying as it was to see his Shield in such a state, it was nowhere near the level of romance he'd hoped to somehow master in the ten minutes it took to drive to the restaurant. He racked his brain for a way to save their momentous first date before Ignis decided he wasn't worth the trouble.

                "How about I make up for Gladio spoiling our dinner," Noctis suggested, "by buying you anything you want from this shop?"

                Ignis narrowed his eyes behind his glasses. "I'm not letting you buy me a thong on our first date."

                "Not _that_!" Noctis protested, startling away from the display of lingerie. "I meant, like… a hat or something."

                "And when was the last time you saw me wear a hat?" Ignis asked, bemused.

                "Just pick _something_ , you jerk." Noct shoved him with his shoulder. "I'm trying to do something nice for my date here."

                "I suppose I can't argue with that," Ignis acquiesced, lightly pushing him back.

                The two began browsing the store, playfully picking out blouses and skirts from the racks.

                "How about this one?" Ignis struggled to keep a neutral face as he held up a flowery orange maxi skirt against his legs.

                "Really brings out your eyes," Noctis praised, grabbing at the large price tag hanging down from it. "I'd say it's worth ¥49000."

                "Good heavens, for a _skirt_?" Ignis took the price tag to look for himself. "And it's made out of cotton. I've seen noblewomen wear imported Altissian silk for less than that, and their outfits didn't cause one physical pain upon sight of them ̶ "

                "Uh, Specs," Noctis cut him short, drawing his attention toward the seething shopkeeper a few feet behind him.

                 "… drat."

 

-

 

                "I'd rather have stayed in the restaurant in the end," Ignis said a few minutes later as they strolled down the sidewalk, occasionally looking over their shoulders in case Gladio and Prompto had caught up to them.

                Noctis sighed. "I bet Iris will take the hat."

                "No!" Ignis clutched the edges of the large purple sunhat he was wearing possessively. "My boyfriend bought me this lovely hat on our date. I'll never part with it."

                "Well, it got that lady off our backs. And it'll make a good disguise if Gladio's still around somewhere."

                "That _is_ his one weakness," Ignis said. "Hats."

                They grinned at each other. Noctis squeezed Ignis's hand. "Ugh, I'm sorry. I'm still going to make it up to you before this date is over. I'll buy you something you actually _want_ , even if I have to fight off ten shopkeeper ladies for it."

                "I was planning on wearing this to the next gala, actually."

                "Shut _up_." Noctis tore the hat off his date's head, rolling his eyes. Then he did a double-take. "You look cute like that, with your hair all messed up."

                His face glowed behind his glasses. "Oh. Thank you."

                Noct's gaze on him lingered; Ignis bit his lip, wondering if it would be uncouth of him to lean in and kiss him right there.

                "Well," he stammered out instead, feeling woefully unprepared for the intricacies of teenage courtship, "perhaps you can buy me dinner somewhere else. There's bound to be another restaurant at this strip mall."

                His blue eyes softened. "I'll see what I can do."

                While not as fancy as the Altissian restaurant they'd fled from, there was a nice little outdoor café surrounded by some stalls selling all sorts of trinkets. Noctis saw that the café offered Ebony and tugged Ignis right over to the medium-sized line.

                "You think they give out free birthday cupcakes here, too?" Noctis asked, leaning close so Ignis could hear him better through the low murmur of the crowd.

                "We _do_ have our own sombrero," Ignis murmured back, turning his head so their lips were _almost_ close enough. When Noct gave him the most beautiful smile he'd ever seen in return, he knew it'd be worth any impropriety if he just leaned in…

                But Noctis pulled back, his eyes on something behind Ignis. "Hey, um… do you mind holding our place in line for a bit?"

                "Sorry?" Ignis was still somewhat dazed by their close contact.

                "If I'm not back in time, just get me anything." Then Ignis's hand was empty, and Noctis vanished into the crowd. Ignis couldn't help but wonder if he did something wrong. Should he not have leaned in so close? Should he have leaned in _closer_?

                As the line trudged forward, Ignis assessed the surrounding area, trying to locate his companion. He spotted a familiar mop of black hair by a jewelry stand, but he was soon called to the cashier. He ordered two salmon club sandwiches and hovered by the counterso Noct would be able to find him when they reconvend.

                His date arrived before their food did. Much to his relief, Noctis slid his hand right back into Ignis's.

                "Sorry about that," he said, harried from rushing back. "What are we eating?"

                "A light salad," Ignis said.

                Noctis scrunched up his nose in distaste, so adorable Ignis couldn't help but kiss it.

                "Salmon, actually," he assured him. Then he realized he didn't just kiss Noct's nose in his mind, and his cheeks flared. "Oh. I… I beg your pardon, I was…"

                "I got you this!" Noctis, equally crimson in the face, held something up in his free hand.

                Ignis took the offered gift: a set of two necklaces. A silver moon charm hung off one, and a sun charm of similar design hung off the other.

                "I thought since 'Ignis' means 'fire,' and 'Noctis' means 'night,' we're kinda like the sun and moon, right?" he explained nervously. "And… well, it seemed like a romantic gift. Like, we could each wear one? I have the receipt."

                "They're beautiful," Ignis breathed, cradling the charms like they were priceless gems.

                Noctis's shoulders sagged in relief, though he still felt apprehensive. Ignis smiled down at him, draping the necklace with the sun charm around his lover's neck.

                "You're very much a prince charming," he assured Noctis, running his hand from his neck all the way to his cheek.

                A small, timid smile lifted Noctis's lips, and he reached for the moon necklace in Ignis's hand. "May I?"

                Ignis lowered himself just enough for Noctis to loop the necklace around his neck, and then met his lips in a wonderfully inexperienced first kiss.

 

-

 

                Crowe, tempted as she was by Gladiolus Amicitia's bribe of ¥1000 to drive the royal couple home instead, dutifully pulled up to the strip mall parking lot when prompted by the prince.

                Two teenage bodies sat close on the curb, their faces hidden by an obnoxiously large purple sunhat.

                She honked the car horn. The hat was dropped, revealing her two passengers almost falling over each other in their fright.

                "Thought those dress pants looked familiar," Crowe yelled out the window. "Come on, love birds! Date's over!"

**Author's Note:**

> I literally looked up "Italian restaurants" for the menu puns, and "asparagus mike wells" WAS an entree.


End file.
